I was on the treadmill today trudging away at my daily uphill journey left alone with my thoughts in an empty Sunday gym. I got that déjà vu ish feeling when you suddenly remember a dream you had the night before. I remembered being at the gym and knocking out some reps. People stopped to turn and look, to watch me. For a fleeting moment I had my pat on the back. It was the silent nod of approval; the three seconds too long glance. It was a Saturday during bootcamp at Powerhouse. I had just busted out some dips and was finishing out the day. Lenn was pushing me through my push-ups and added a chain. I was nearly finished my arms were shaking and body dripped with sweat.
I thought back on my dream and step after step I began to smile I was beginning to better place the memory. It wasn’t a dream at all, it was real. It was showing… I had a long way to go yet but all my effort was finally beginning to be seen.
Since I began this journey I’ve already had so many people take the time to stop and criticize. People look on in disapproval. My diet, my exercise, my skimpy attire… I say: my fuel, my strength, my suit. I eat too much or I eat too little, I’m too muscular or already too thin. I say yes. I do eat a lot and I do eat a little. I eat a lot of all the right things and I eat very little of the rest. I am muscular. And I am “lean”. Isn’t that what every workout DVD, diet pill, fad diet, home gym, “health food”, miracle method, promotes??
This is it; the real deal. This is the effort that goes into it. See these chains? They aren’t just for looks. This isn’t a show for your enjoyment. This is for me. This is not for my mother. This is not for my father. This is not for the boy in school who made fun of me. It’s not for my first love or my first heart break. It’s not for my X. It’s not for the envy, the pats on the back or second glances. This is all to be the best me I can be. The strongest individual I can create. If this is for anything else it would be to encourage, inspire, and uplift. To prove to MYSELF that I can and I will. It would be to set an example for my son. To lead by example and teach him dedication, to reach further, dream bigger, work harder.
I have an entire team of girls that do this same thing day in and day out; each for their own reasons. But I would be willing to bet that every single one of them can now stand independently and say “This is me. This is who I am.” They are strong and confident and every week they remind me why I do this. It’s FOR ME; to be confident in my will, my strength, and my abilities. I’m so thankful to have that support of these women. And I feel like I have the entire Powerhouse crew at my back to remind me every time my knees get weak or my will is breaking that I have it in me. And 12 weeks from now you will know it’s not about showing what I look like it’s about showing what I’ve done. “Look at all my hard work. Look at what I have created.” Can you say that??
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